Let me tell you a story...

The day's finally arrived...In a few hours my parents will be here with me...and I'm in my hyper excited state...

I may not be able to post much but I do wish to leave you with a story I wrote...a story which got featured in Sulekha, where i also blog...the story was in response to a contest where all the stories had to begin with the line "Dear Santa, I've been good this year because..."




The boy in the story is precious ...he is modelled after my very own...

I would love you to read it. Hope he warms your heart the way he does ours...every single day!

Wishing you all a great new year!!!

Making Every Minute COUNT!!!

What would I like to do the next ten years down the line? Prats tagged me with this and I found the exercise very beneficial. For a person taking each day as it comes this was a much needed exercise and time is really running out!!!

The first thing that came to my mind was that my boys would be 20 and 15 at the end of those years and I was terrified to even think that far ahead. I would definitely want to be a great parent, someone they would remember as fun and unique, not as a sour faced witch. Please let that be a reality.

The next is working on my rock of Gibraltar, G! It has been 14 yrs and I no longer look through rose tinted glasses. I see better without them and I like what I see!! He surely is one of a kind. Irrespective of how frivolous I sound when I refer to him, I do feel that when they made him they broke the mold! He can be exasperating at times but I cannot take away his basic goodness from him. He has a wonderful quality– of doing without so that we can do with. There is no need to, but it is a habit he cannot break. So my agenda is to make him a bit selfish and think about himself. I want to make sure he achieves his little dreams, those little things which he has stored away as unimportant. The challenge – making do it…but I’m not a woman for nothing…;)
Pssst…prats, I’m going to get you for this…making me write such mushy things on my blog

I’ve take the first steps in reinventing a new me. I’ve started writing and it gives me immense pleasure. There was a time when books, my art pad and myself were inseparable. Somewhere along the line, these disappeared as more necessary diversions took their place. It's time for a beginning...

It has been my dream to open a children’s centre where books, games and experiences are the focal points. It would be a dream come true to see everyone hooked onto reading. I want to make it accessible to the not –so-privileged. In Delhi, libraries are not popular. Either you buy a book and read or steal one!!! I would like to change that!! It would be different and I'm keeping my fingers crossed….


One day, my boys gave me a fragrant surprise – a small bouquet of flowers from the garden. “We didn’t pluck it Amma, we found them on the ground” my younger one makes sure I know that!!! It still remains the best bouquet I’ve received! Now, every time they go down to play, they come up with their very own Bouquet special, just for me!! ….Why do I write this? Because I want more of that! I have always been in a hurry. I’m going to slow down, act my age and take a stroll, stopping to smell the flowers and enjoy everything that is dear to me. because in the end it will be these beautiful memories, that will become my most precious treasures.

I would like to win a few personal battles. My temper, my impatience, my fear of heights and the fear of being on stage…The first two need a lot of self control and the stage fright has cost me many precious opportunities which I will always regret. I would love to learn meditation but training my hyper mind to stay in one place is like asking my boys to sit still.


A special dream is sunsets shared in a small cozy place with THE reading place. Through the years, the house specifics change, but my image of that special reading place remains.

I wish I could do more for my parents. I have a truly wonderful family and knock on wood, the one above has given me a sheltered life. I don’t do a good job of letting people know how much they mean to me. I have to change that …by the end of 10 years hopefully it becomes a habit


A wish to give back to the society in any little way I can. We sponsor a girl in Mumbai, I try to do my bit with the maid but that’s not IT. I want to do something more, something tangible and involve the children too in this exercise of becoming better humans.

A longing to go back to my roots. And to give the children a glimpse into that world - a place with the lanterns for light and the hills as playgrounds. Ghost stories in the dusk…gossip by the well and a life without television!!Food cooked on charcoal and fire and the animals as sentinels...


Thank you , prats...this was fun too. There is so much more I want to do, backpack all over India, learn a new sport, an instrument, making the kids realize the value of family and traditions, exposing them to differnt cultures ..…Will I do it all?

This was an eye-opener and the little voice tells me, …make every minute count!!!

Now, preethi, rayshma, joy , justjen …and rambler…I hereby tag you…

Season after season

I’m feeling strangely happy …and excited…It has been a whole week since I did a post (a very long time by my standards) nor did any visiting/commenting and I got two reminders from rayshma, asking me if all was well. And of course from Prats, to find out if things were okay! That is one reason for my joy, that someone noticed that I’ve been quiet…you see it happens very rarely at home!!! The second reason is December. This month always does this to me. It makes my mood upbeat and gets that curve on my face, even if there is nothing to smile for.

It is already December…!!! It is that time of the year when beautifully lit streets beckon you and the season commands you to be merry. Another year draws to a close, 12months is a long time and you are forced to introspect.

This year was a year of more lows than highs. It was one that spelt grief and pain for the people very close to me. A family mourned an unexpected death and a relative is still battling cancer. The realization hits you like the icy wind on your face…that things are changing whether I like it or not.

It is because of these low points that i've learnt to treasure the good moments. The moments when my oldest surprised me with his ability to adapt, when we moved here to Singapore. This move has shown me a new beautiful side of him which I will always cherish.

I’ve always loved this part of the year. I never make resolutions because to me a commitment is sacred. But I look forward to the New Year because it symbolizes the beginning, in more ways than one. I turn a year older too, quite at the very beginning, so it acts as a wake-up call. Time is indeed flying and girl, you better hurry if you want to walk on all those paths you’ve charted out.

Blogging has given me a medium to enjoy my writing. Writer’s island, Sunday scribbling and the Wordless Wednesdays make sure I come back for more!

It’s been six months since I’ve joined this lovely circle of virtual friends and it is still expanding, each day getting to know someone new. Prats certainly holds a special place for it was through her that I discovered the wonderful world of blogging. In fact she gave me the pleasure of my first comment and she indeed is a beautiful person through and through.

There is a nip in the air even here in pleasant Singapore. There is an excitement in my heart and I seem to be smiling a lot these days. My heart does a little jig as the countdown begins. The countdown not for the New Year but for the week my parents arrive here to spend time with their grandchildren. After a long, long time, I’ve heard the excitement in their voices, and I’m delighted that if not anything, I can at least brighten these last two weeks of the year and get a smile back on their faces…

This time writer’s island came up with the apt prompt “The Season” and it so well reflects my current season, with all its beautiful moods. Yes, it is a SEASON reflecting change; change for the better, a season of a new me!! It is a season of renewal and I'm aiming high to realise a few dreams.

I wish all you people out there a beautiful season ahead, a year which brings out more smiles in you than tears and the fulfillment of many wonderful dreams. Wishes from the heart…thought aloud!!!

'Moment'ous

What moment would I write about?

The moment I told my first serious lie or the moment of shame when i got found out?

The moment of winning my first prize or the moment of losing a friend?

The moment of an insult or the moment of a hug?

What moment should I talk about?

The moment when I was a child or the one when I was that no more?

The moment I stepped into a new life or the moment I waved goodbye to the old?

The moment I gave life or that moment when I lost one?

Or the moment I wiped a tear or that when i received a smile?

Or?

Those moments of happiness or those countless ones of lost temper,

Moments of abandon or moments of self-control,

Moments spent dreaming or moments spent coming back to the real!!


So, tell me what moment should I talk about?

Every moment has its significance - a moment of sadness, a moment of glory, a moment of love or a moment of weakness. They are all frozen... many in pictures, words, actions and mind. But will I ever be able to recapture the feeling of the moment just gone? can I?

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Once again Writer's island has given us a beautiful moment. Grab it!
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addicted, who me?

This post is for that much suffering person in my life, the EH..(equal half)..I'm very fair that way..there can be no better halves..it has to be equal or none at all!!

Coming back to the word suffering..it's occurred to me, esp when i do those damn tags, that life with me is not exactly a bed of roses. There he must be definitely suffering more than me!

But this post is not going to be a mushy sentimental one, even if he deserves it sometimes. At the moment i happen to be a little miffed with him. He's thrown a very serious accusation at me. He said at dinner time..."I think you are addicted"...very seriously, very sweetly but said it nevertheless...


He's the only one i know who can be seriously sweet!!which means that i better take it seriously!! which in turn means, Ms Piggy comes to the fore and oils her arguing cords..

addicted, me, moi?? and to what may i know?..

to the net..came the reply



later,dwelling on this, i thought to myself..addicted, no way..but the seeds of doubt have been sown...

a little voice spoke...of course you are, aren't you always at your computer..

me...hey, that's just a few creative juices overflowing!!and i have to use my computer for my magazine work

Lil voice..."Rubbish...and the time when you didn't utter a word when he carried the laptop along on the holiday...and you even perked up when you realised the room had free wireless (since when have you been interested in wireless technology?)

me...whose side are you on, his or mine...so what if i did?...

Lil voice...and the look your son gives you when you lecture about too much Internet...Didn't he say, oh yeah!we all know who's using it these days

Me...hmm.....So everyone needs an outlet for those creative outbursts...and okay, okay, perhaps i'm a wee bit addicted...just a teeny weeny bit...

Though, it's not reached the stage where i sleep with the computer and i've not yet used it in the loo. Still,.... you think ....he could be right?(the horror of it all, if he turns out to be right!!)

There is no doubt that i enjoy blogging. Its through blogging that i've rediscovered a lost passion and your supportive comments make me want to do more.Thanks to you, wonderful blogger friends, i keep coming back for more. So its your fault...i think... :)

But now since it just doesn't do to have the EH right, i will be de-addicting myself. From now on I'm going to glance into bloville just five times a day. Remember I've called you 'wonderful' so you wouldn't say 'good riddance to me'now would you?

I'll be back...

soon...


like in a day...

A promise is what i want!!!

Is it a promise?…

A bright morning…the birds chirp…the sky a beautiful hue…a promise of a beautiful day

Hands intertwined…hearts given…vows exchanged…a promise of a bond of a lifetime


A hot summer’s afternoon…the sun hidden...the dark clouds dance …a promise of falling silver

A pregnant lady…hand on her belly…a curve on her lips….a promise of life and nurture


A handshake, firm and welcoming …a smile so bright… a promise of friendship and loyalty

A country of billions... a leader talks....a promise of hope and change

Aged and wizened, duties done, welcoming the deathly visitor...family around…an unsaid promise of care and devotion…


A word given to a child…a task to be done…an unbroken promise of trust and belief


A promise made...a word broken...the sound of shattering glass...never to mend
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'promise also brought to mind a wonderful book -The Kite Runner’ by khaled Hosseini
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Thank you Writer's island!

The walk...

From my baby steps to my giant ones, walking is something I do a lot. I have stumbled, faltered, strayed but I’ve never lost sight of the path I want to walk on.There is always that unseen hand showing me the way, guiding me, making sure that i go forward.

I’ve learnt to walk behind my parents, trying to follow everything they do, trying my best to keep up with them. I’ve walked beside my sisters and friends, and enjoyed pain and happiness together. I walk side by side with the ones I love; sometimes stopping to smell the flowers, sometimes taking time to remove the thorns.

There was a time when I had to walk slowly in front of my little ones, waiting for them to catch up. Now I have to hurry, sometimes, for fear that I may not catch up with them.

Sometimes my path crosses those walked by others. Here, I've met many who have helped me and who have befriended me. Those are walks I do cherish! The steps have been firmer as the years roll on but I know that if I stumble there are ready pairs of hands to pull me up.

Isn’t it fortunate that I have found so many people to walk with, in my life?

A precious moment...
At the beach, my son said.."Look, amma look!" I turned to see him putting his feet inside our footprints left in the sand and he said, gleefully..'look! i almost fit in them'

So you do, my boy, so you do!

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Do go and meet the other Sunday scribblers
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This little piggy stayed home!

I went here and i found i was this...(sob...sob...)I thought that i was a dragon!


Your Sign : Pig
Your Element : Metal
Emma Thompson, Alfred Hitchcock, Julie Andrews are pigs too...(GRIN)

Suddenly things became crystal clear!Now i know why i am so pig-headed and i just had to write this letter.

Dear Ms Pig...

All this while I've been thinking i was a dragon. Never mind, I still have a lot of bones to pick with you. You've been a part and parcel of me from the days i was so little. My grandmother loved to tell me that i was the most demanding baby she ever saw. They had to constantly rock me to sleep else i would use those vocal cords amazingly! That was you,little piglet!

How can i forget the time when in kindergarten,the teacher told us to keep quiet, you made me chatter nonstop..so much so she actually had to put tape on my mouth...and i promptly removed the tape and started chatting to her again...and she hugged me out of frustration, i think and that shut me up!!

Then in school,every time there was a project you made me open my mouth and volunteer and then i agonised days and nights to put it together. You still do that!

You are responsible for all those fights i had with my mother because i didn't want to listen to her, even though she was right.

And when it used to be study time, i would read a comic hidden inside my study material...Bad piggy!!!You still do that, I'm supposed to be finishing my articles now for my magazine and here i am posting letters on my blog...

And the time when you made me delete my post thinking it was a draft...Absentminded piggy!
There have been many other occasions worth mentioning but let me not rake up the past. Of course there have been a few times when you have come in useful, especially when people behave meanly or there is something wrong going on...then i can give it to them left right and center, that's thanks to you too...Brave Piggy!!

So the next time when the gentle goat gives me a perfectly good piece of advice, would you stop grunting in between because then i do just the opposite! And will you stop picking up fights with the little ox (my 10yr-old)because then things will get nasty. He is after all nearing his teens and he will trample you down, if you are not careful! I don't want an ox on the rampage...

It is a good idea to have a little meeting and discuss the game plan of how to handle certain situations. Right now I think you are away because we have been pretty docile out here but let's do have this talk soon because the exams are underway and the ox is rearing his head!!!

An aggrieved soul
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Do go here to Writer's island to see other wonderful interpretations!!

Tagging the One-track Mind!!

Okay, I've been tagged once again, this time from Preethi, of Incessant musings , ...She's done a good job of this, i must say...!

This one doing the rounds are those questions which guys have supposedly wanted to ask but were afraid they would get a whack for!!! I wonder which guy came up with these!! So let's hope I do my bit to clear that clouded mind, though I thought there was more to us than this...sigh...

Hey guys, just 22?



1. How do you feel after a one night stand?
terrible, imagine standing for a whole night!!!

2. Do you ever get used to wearing a thong?
I'm yet to find one my size...i have big feet, for the one-trackers..thongs are also flip flops:)

3. Does it hurt?
errr..I haven't yet found one!!!

4. Do you know when you are acting crazy?
crazy!!! thy name is me!!!Am i not answering these?

5. Does size really matter?
sadly it does... I'm talking about FEET here!!!!

6. When the bill comes are you still a feminist?
not if mr. Bill is decent enough :)

7. Why do you take so long to get ready?
Do you have the time to hear?

8. Do you watch porn, too?
No, unless you count certain episodes of animal planet as that!!
Update: That was my frivolous way of dealing with an uncomfortable question. But now reading this again, i must say what i really feel. To each his own, but I don't watch porn and i think it is "SICK". Are you aware of child porn and does it not make your heart bleed to hear those stories? No industry can thrive without demand - think about it!!!

9. Will something from Tiffany’s solve everything?
Depends on the reason its being given for and to whom its being given to!!!

10. Are guys as big of a mystery to you as you are to us?
Guys!! a mystery...do wait till i finish laughing!

11. Why do you sometimes think you look fat?
I never think i look fat...perhaps you've been watching kate moss and the reeds a bit too much!!

12. Why are you always late?
That's one of the mysteries too!!

13. Does it bother you when we scratch?
Why does that remind me of Darwin and his theory?

14. Do you wish you could pee standing up?
Did somebody tell you we couldn't?

15. Why do so many women cut their hair short as soon as they get married?
Do they? Hmmm... perhaps it is because they couldn't grow it longer?

16. How often do you think about sex?
everytime i fill those forms which ask - sex 'male' or 'female'...

17. What do you think of women who sleep with guys on the first date?
the same as what i think of guys who sleep with gals, on the first date- ...

18. Would you?
Would i what? answer the question again?

19. Do you realize every guy wants a girl just like his mom?
Hmmm...reminds me of a certain Oedipus!
on second thoughts, i think every girl likes to marry a guy like her father, so i guess it works both ways, within limits of course!!!

20. Why does every woman think she can change him?
hey not me.. the only guys i try to mould are my sons!

21. Does it matter what car I drive?
not really! as long as you don't drink and drive...more worried about the hapless people on the road!

22. Do you ever fart?
Hey! keep the red beans coming!one fart coming up!

This one turned out quite hilarious after all and it revealed something we all know...that certain guys never change! Unfortunate... because i do know many who are gems!!

On second thoughts, it would be nice to hear others' views on this, so anyone else, take it up, if you wish!!!

Dreaming Hope!!!

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When the dream...


turns into a nightmare...

what will it take to get you dreaming again?

do you see the rays of hope?

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This is for a very dear friend...Here's hoping she weathers all storms and doesn't give up on her dreams!!!*************************************************************************
an interpretation of the prompt at Writer's island, Thank you, WI.

I dream many dreams!!!

Once again, this is in response to the wonderful prompt at Writer's Island... !!!...It also sent me back into nostalgia - right into the world of ABBA!!
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This should have been easy for a dreamer like me! I see dreams when I'm awake and when i'm asleep!. Choosing THE dream was like asking me to choose my favorite child!!All my dreams become THE dream at the time...

So, at any point of time...

I dream of a safe world where children can keep their innocence longer and not worry about abuse from the seen and unseen...

I dream of a tolerant world where racism and terrorism are just words, empty, dirty words...

I dream of leaving a greener Earth for our children to inherit...

I dream of peace...

I dream my children's dreams...

I dream of goals to be accomplished...

I dream of the day when I, as a woman, can walk down any street in any corner of the world feeling safe...

I dream of sunsets with that special someone long after the nest is empty and the birds have flown.

So while I'm busy dreaming a special dream, please do listen to one of my favorite tracks...


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Curiosity Unlimited!

Its suddenly raining tags in my cosy world! I had just finished showing the world how weird i could be when Ps of Just a Mother Of Two decides to unleash the curious cat. The meme was thought provoking and turned out to be fun...

1) Which one person would you choose to understand you better?

My 10 yr old...sigh...i foresee some battles in the future...

2) What do you think is the best age to be? Why?

My best is 'NOW'. Ever since i've stepped into my 30's afew years back, i'm loving it...I feel more confident, smart and beautiful... the children are at the right age (a few more years till the dreaded teens )and i'm enjoying myself.

3) Of all the people you know, who would be the easiest to seduce? Why?
Hmmm...tricky...but 'easiest' would be any man, i guess...i haven't tried...:))

and of the people i know, the easiest would be my sister's husband's cousin brother. He is such a darling!!!

4) What's the best advice you didn't heed?
I never heed advice, which more often than not lands me in trouble. I can be extremely pig-headed sometimes :(

5) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one.


Right now my son has an attack of bronchitis and i have this deadline approaching...so sadly the clock is another reminder of precious time...at any other time, it would have reminded me that it is time for my evening tea...:)

So is the cat satisfied ?

Those of you who want to try it, go ahead...I would love to read what you may have to say.

Psst.. the darling guy of point 3...i just happen to be married to him ;)

Will You Be My FRIEND?

The boy woke up and stared at the ceiling. Everything looked new but that has been for the past two weeks, but today was different. Then he remembered , it was his first day at school.

School...a new school with strange teachers and children. A school where everything would be different. There are mixed feelings. He is excited and apprehensive. Would he fit in? What if they don't like him? How he longed to back in his old school with his friends and classmates of 6 years. Things were so comfortable then.

He hears his mother calling and he gets out of bed reluctantly. He gets ready slowly but the time to leave arrives too soon, and leave he must. He sees his mother looking at him and knows that she wants to accompany him. He shakes his head. He would love to have her but he is big now, he wants to do it alone.

At school, he is lost in the waiting room and is finally ushered into his new class. He enters and there is silence. He feels the scrutiny of his classmates and for a minute he wants his mother, he wants to go back. He gives a little smile, a tentative one. Then a boy comes forward and shakes his hand. Another asks his name and another shows him a place to sit. The day passes and he finds the place nice. His new friends make sure he does not eat alone and give him their notes to copy. Soon it is time to go home.

At the door he sees his mom waiting anxiously with worry on her face. And he sees her face light up when she notices the spring in his step and the beam on his face.

How was the day dear, she asks.

Amma, they were so friendly, he says, they said that for a new boy i was not shy and they helped me too. I like the school, its not all that bad, and you know it has a cricket pitch and they .....
Amidst that non stop chatter, the mother silently thanks those wonderful children in his class...and hopes that he cherishes these friends, old and new and gives his hand in friendship to someone who needs it too!


Its been 5 months now and that boy of 10 has settled down like he's been here all his life. He's the captain of his team, the monitor of his class and is among the toppers. And this mother is eternally grateful for those little friendly hands who helped her boy that first day and proud of her little boy for being brave...
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'Friendship' was the week's prompt at Writer's Island...This is one topic I could write pages about. It's amazing too, how easily children make friends!!

I loved Prats' entry too. She's a special friend whom I met in the blogosphere and i plan to visit her soon!

Uh Oh! TAGGED!!!

The remarkable UL has tagged me for the deadly sevens. Thank you, UL and i hope I've done justice to it.

Tag Name :Seven Random and / or Weird Things about Me.

Rules : Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.


my secret seven..

Hmmm...Seven Random Things...let's see if any of them turn out to be weird...

1) i'm a transparent person. If i'm happy, sad or mad, everybody gets to know it, ...that is why i love blogging, it allows me to connect with people i really like and i can make faces at people i don't.

2) i'm a lousy driver along with equally lousy navigational skills. After three 'crash' courses, I've stopped trying to drive, in consideration of my women friends who ARE excellent drivers, and my fear that i may kill someone!!!!...my husband and kids refuse to sit with me if i'm behind the wheel, because it takes me five minutes to move an inch... and then we gallop the next few metres...but it's on my to-learn list....

3) I think a lot, in fact continuously... there are times when you could catch me smiling or frowning...I guess it is weird esp. if i do it in public.

4)i have a tendency to forget. There have been cases of burnt food, lost mobiles, thankfully NEVER lost kids... You could call it selective amnesia because surprisingly i do remember what is worth forgetting :(...(Read thisfor more)

5) i am a sucker for sob stories. Books, movies, my kids, husband - they all make me cry...for different reasons. The amount i cry, i could do something about the depleting water resources :)

6) I'm not a possessive mother, hard to be when you have two boys...but when my boys sleep, i like to keep my hand over them to feel the rhythm of their breathing. It reassures me and makes me thankful to the one above. Is that weird? i hope not...

7) I generally keep a cloth near me to wipe off those dust particles which i happen to see everywhere. I used to be quite obsessed with the word 'clean' earlier but age and growing boys have changed me...i've found the solution - just close your eyes.

8) i'm technologically challenged...my son handles my mobile better than me. i handle it like it's a grenade. it has gone all over the place without me. This post took me less than 10 minutes but an hour to fit in the links. Another example is the look of my blog...it needs a change and that is proving to be a daunting task for its owner...

...and that turned out to be the enlightening eight!

And so i tag

Prats
Rambler
Fuzzylogic
Raghu
annieelf
Hedwyg
joy
dame's diary

conditions apply...do it if you like, completely obligation free... and yes anybody who wants to try it, please do and let me know...

oops! and now i see the 'insert link' icon....DUH!!

UNFORGETTABLE!!

The prompt at Writer's island is Unforgettable...Certain words bring with them instant associations and the word, 'UNFORGETTABLE' had many memories attached to it. This certainly topped the list... and this one's for all those wonderful mothers out there...
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The rebirth...



You carry a life in you for nine months, you feel and see it growing from this little to this big...you dance to the lil one's tunes by eating strange stuff (have never eaten so many odd things in my life)...

You spend the better half of the pregnancy looking like a bloated balloon (oldies would tell me that i would have a boy because i looked awful!!!)A most trying time for the hubby...

You become paranoid by all the knowledge you suddenly gather...you worry about the new life within you...you rush to the hospital , convinced each time that there is something wrong...

You see your belly grow and wonder how you will ever deliver... then one midnight, the pain starts, well before the due date and your mom panics because the contingency plans did not include this and you panic because you are not ready...

You think uncharitably of your husband (because he does not have to go through this) who is on some flight somewhere trying to reach Bangalore by some means...

You reach the hospital and hate what follows...In the delivery room, you look at all the cold-looking equipment, it's too late for an epidural, you are terrified of pain and are totally convinced that you are going to die...

You get up and tell your mother, let's go back, i can't do this...and she looks at you worried that you've chosen the wrong moment to turn mad...

The nurses are unforgivably chirpy and you feel like socking them...

There is a moment of tension because the cord is around his neck and the doctor is worried...

Then you hear THE cry and you finally get to see that little life...and the tears just flow...The funny thing, the pain just vanishes and a different feeling takes over...

And then you look at those tiny fingers and toes, the little mouth, the trusting eyes, the reddened face, you hold him like you've been a mother all your life and you finally look at the little one who has put you under his spell even before he was born!!

Definitely THIS moment, when i looked at my baby for the first time, is the most unforgettable moment of my life...the relief, the happiness, the awe, the wonder...the feeling's indescribable, its unforgettable...

I do remember the post birth scene, my elated husband (he made it just in time!) and parents, happy relatives, the buzz around me which included discussions on his color, his snub nose, his forehead, his hair, and a lot of advice...and I had this dazed,smug, and happy grin throughout...

- dazed because I could not believe that I had finally graduated to being a 'mother' and smug because i felt that I had just passed my most difficult test...and happy because i finally had my baby in my arms and he was beautiful,snub nose and all and he had a perfect Apgar score ...

He was perfect..and i was alive...what more could i ask for? ...

I'm haunted!!!

This was the prompt at writer's island...I've had a lot of ghostly incidents but for some reason came up with this one...
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Who's the ghost tonight?



If you're fat, you are haunted by calories you get when you eat junk food.

If you are as thin as a stick model, you are haunted by the invisible calories you get when you don't eat and the threatened visit of the binge fairy...

If you are pregnant, you are haunted by the weight you need to put on, which is needed and if you are a new mother, by the weight you've just put on, which is now called flab...

If you are employed, you are haunted by the word pink, because it means the pink slip while if you are a new graduate, by the temptation of the green ....(show me the money!!!)

If you are in 'can can' Singapore, you are haunted by its image of a 'FINE' city... (have to check lah, if there is a fine for saying this!!)

If you are a blog writer, you are haunted by the 'writer's block', and by the ghost visitor...BOO!!!.

If you are a child, you are haunted by expectations and the grade monster...

And I'm haunted by those demons which visit me every now and then to turn me into someone 'normal'......

Everybody has ghosts, which haunt them. So what haunts you?

Stop picking on me!!!

Ever read the book:'Nineteen minutes' by Jodi Picoult? Read it especially if you have pre-teen children...Though the ending fell below my expectations, the story didn't...The story revolves around a school shooting, the impact on the survivors and the shooter. What circumstances could drive a normal child to pick up a gun and blindly kill? This child had no dearth of reasons - being picked upon because he was weak, being called gay because he had no girl friends, being constantly compared to a bright brother, falling short of his parents' expectations, being publicly degraded. When you feel shunned by people you know, you retreat in your own private world where everything is according to your rules and you are in control.

It's scary what the world expects out of the young generation. It's also frightening to see how little these children value life. A so-called elite school in Delhi had to issue a circular to its teachers to henceforth highlight only the positive aspects of the students' development in the parents teachers meeting. The reason - a student had committed suicide because she could not handle the criticism at the PTM. Every board examination sees the deaths of young lives because they were unable to handle the pressure.

From the time the little child is put in playschool, he/she begins to understand the meaning of pressure. The mayhem caused by the admission circus every year has added fuel to the fire. A child of three is supposed to know his alphabets, be creative, sing songs, dance, be confident,and talented. Give him a break!!!

A lot depends on how certain situations are handled. A friend was called to meet the school counsellor to 'discuss' her son's disruptive behaviour. Since he happened to pull a girl's pigtail, they assumed that there was 'violence'(read marital ) at home. The result of this meeting was a hurt mother, who tried to bribe and coerce the child into better behavior. A more sensitive approach would have helped in finding out the cause of the problem. Likewise, my 4 year old came home with bite marks one day, a fight the next...a boy,K, had been targeting him. Though worried, i didn't want to take drastic steps like issuing a formal complaint. I met the teacher and together we spoke to K. There were issues bothering him at home, we tried to get it sorted out. I made it a point to talk to him every morning to find out how he was doing and every afternoon the child would look out for me to tell me the news of the day. Full credit to the teacher for defusing a situation which could have got out of control...Here, K's parents were equally concerned which was commendable. Generally the parents go into the 'denial' mode which makes it more difficult.

Some say that today's children have too much too soon...That they don't have tolerance...and maybe a child would say that today's adults have too many expectations from them. `Expectations! Peer pressure! Acceptance! Survival!...Any wonder that the kids are walking a tightrope here... Of course the right mix of tolerance, freedom, confidence and self esteem would create a balance...Easier said than done, but definitely worth trying.

When two worlds meet...

It all started with the arrival of my nephews from the land of amrica...My sister and family had taken the momentous decision of settling down in Bangalore, one of the main reasons being the deteriorating health of her father-in -law. The children had to make many adjustments. Along with the accents, there also seemed to be a slight communication gap....

We soon learnt that jelly wasn't that which wobbled but the conserve used to spread on the bread. Conserve is not what you do to save energy but the humble jam... and jam was suddenly upgraded to being in a fix!!!These 2 American born confused nephews have initiated their ever absorbent cousin, my son into the world of PBJ (peanut butter and jelly)sandwiches. By the way, it's cookies and milk please and not biscuits! A popsicle is nothing related to your POP but happens to be flavored ice on a stick...(yummy too).

'Are u mad' when spoken by a child does NOT refer to the decaying state of your mind but to a state which is more volatile(read angry)...Of course when spoken by an adult, it means just that, you are 'MAD'.

A footpath is a side walk, you don't skate, u rollerblade...The boot is not what you kick someone with but also happens to be the trunk of a car. Of course the trunk happens to be a very important part of the elephant's face!!! Gas is what you feed the car and not what happens after you eat red beans... An elevator is nothing but our humble lift...and please, you don't take a bath, you take a shower...

There were many hilarious moments. And many difficult ones too. It wasn't easy for the two boys to adapt to a whole new life here, making new friends and studying two new languages (Kannada and Hindi). To the boys' credit, they have adjusted well. But there are many things that they hate about India. The heavy schoolbags, the pollution, the roads, the control...My elder nephew, though close to his grandparents, is waiting for the day when he can go back to his country. As is generally the case, the west wins. We've aped and adopted. The best of our talent goes abroad to fulfil their dreams. Families and values are disintegrating. The emphasis now, is more on how much you have than the kind of person you are.

The need of the hour is change in the right direction...It's good to imbibe the best of all cultures we are exposed to. For starters, let's spread a little of our Desi values around. So that when the two worlds meet, it is a fusion of the best of both. What say?

renewal

Ever since i read this prompt 'renewal' on writer's island (thanks to ps), it's been buzzing around in my head...Why? because its a complete reflection of my current state of mind...

Recently a dear aunt expired, leaving us all in shock.She had been ailing for some time and was lucky to have her son, daughter and husband by her side ALL the time, for those agonising 3 months. Still, when the end came it was a shock to everyone. For me, she represented all those happy memories spent in Bangalore every summer where the entire clan would gather. To find one of the pillars supporting our childhood memories crumble, has been a devastating experience.

Her death has shaken us up...The bereaved family is still trying to cope with their loss...My mother (she had been her youngest sister) breaks down everyday...My grandparents have withered under the weight of this death ... It has also brought a deep sense of regret in me...regret that I could not do more...regret, that in recent years, communication had been reduced to the mandatory phone call...

Our family is going through some tough times. A sis-in-law's battling breast cancer. It is true that most of the time we don't know how lucky we are. We realise the value of something only when it is no longer there.

At this stage in my life it is definitely time to renew all those relationships I've taken for granted. The relationship of a granddaughter, daughter, sister, friend,and daughter-in-law. Being in a different country makes it very difficult...But I try...

...Parents, Grandparents, In-laws, Mentors, see them in a new light ...You will see them worried about what the future holds...The tables are slowly turning, though against my will...it is now our turn to nurture and support them...To give them the time they deserve and need...To tell them how much they mean to you...So that if the inevitable happens, you don't say:"I wish I had done more...", you say "I'm glad that I did" ...

Yes, it is definitely time for a renewal...

Forget-me-not....

I walked all the way to the MRT station with the family only to realise that I've left my mobile outside the door. Ignoring the outbursts, i hurried back to find my trusty phone waiting patiently for me. This phone has survived many such scares. Leave alone woman-handling it by shoving it under umpteen things in the purse, I've left it behind in various shops, only to get a call from the owner to collect it back...That's the advantage of saving a number under 'home'.

I've always been err...absentminded ...Coincidentally, I married a guy who's equally so..He's misplaced 3 sun glares, one of which he placed on the roof of his car and then drove off...He sometimes forgets which grades the kids are in (I NEVER forget that!!)...I have to remind him about his Mom's b'day (he's never forgotten mine, though i think my sister reminds him!)...A sneaking suspicion that he uses this excuse very effectively when it comes to finishing the 'to-do' list

I think that marriage to him has definitely given me more than two kids......its increased my tendency to umm...forget...my son carries the legacy on...he drops the towel into the dustbin and the tissue paper on the hanger...not to mention the numerous waterbottles he loses at school each year...

There was this time when i sat in my car only to see a stranger there...the guy's jaw dropped...my eyes popped out...you see, it happened to be someone else's car...he was too busy sweating(probably his wife was due back any minute) by which time i had made good my escape to my own car where my driver (a necessity 'cos a car in my control is always out of control) was hyperventilating (i like this word!!!)'cos the memsahib had lost her head!!...Come on now, its not my fault all Esteems look the same...

Once I boarded an aircraft only to realise that my seat was also issued to another gentleman...gravely shook my head at the sad, sorry state of the airlines' management, i really rubbed it in...when a harried steward enters and informs me that I've managed to board the wrong flight!!! Oops, I did it again!!! If looks could kill, i definitely died with all the glares when I finally boarded the right flight...They had been kept waiting while the crew was tracing the elusive Suma...

At family functions, where everyone is always related to someone, I get to hear a lot of "don't u know me, i am your father's aunt's cousin's daughter-in-law",Huh!!! I'm always tense at such gatherings and once ended up introducing my husband to another man (whom i knew as a relation-in-law on my sis's side) who replied " I should know him my dear, I'm his uncle"! He in turn happened to be related in some way to somebody's somebody on my husband's side...(Blush...Blush...the only excuse...we were "just married"!!!So blame it on temporary amnesia ;)

I think that moving to Singapore has put my hubby more at ease...less chances of me sitting in someone else's car...even less chances of me locking myself out of the house with the keys inside...it's a door which cannot be locked unless you have the key!!!

Sigh...And you know what, I had to make that trip home again, i had forgotten to lock the house this time!!!

Psst...hubby seems to think it's selective loss of memory...'cos according to him I still remember the things he's done or not done and the growing list includes stuff from 13 years ago!!!...Hrrumph...(i hope that came out as a snort)...

Congrats!! You Have A ....!

There is something which has been bothering me a long time...and i mean a really long time...it gets triggered by little comments people make...when they see my kids and envy me saying how lucky I am...not because they are healthy bright children but because of their gender...you see they are BOYS and not girls...I've managed to carry the family name forward...

It bugs me when people go psst..psst when i am teaching the BOY how to wash his plate...Or when the BOY holds a mop...teh reason, boys are not meant for such things. I make my boys do a few odd jobs around the house...Not because i'm a feminist but because i feel that they should know how to make their beds or help in keeping the house clean...

Did you know that India loses @10m female foetuses due to abortion and sex selection? I cannot write about what happens to the newborn girls in rural areas without me breaking down (it's very saddening)...Would politicians take up cudgels for this cause instead of creating a ruckus over who kissed whom and why did X say that?

It's shocking to see this desire for a male baby among the so-called literate upper class strata...It upset me when S, eight months pregnant with her third child confessed to me that she was under pressure from her in-laws, to 'produce' a male child, even though the doctor had advised against it...There was tension writ over her face and her parting words were"Please pray that I have a boy"!!!And this in a highly respected household!!!I've seen houses where the boys are sent to a good school and the girl to a lower grade one, in any case she is to be married off, you see!!

I come from a house where we are all girls and never once have we been made to feel that we were not wanted. This yearning for a boy is alien to me. Boy or girl, enjoy them, not because they are your security for your old age, but because they are your present...They are here because you wanted them to be !!!

P.S. silver lining...i must have done something right 'cos when my bai(maid) delivered her second daughter, she thanked God for her healthy baby and secondly got her tubes tied :)

There were times i wished I had a daughter,then I realised perhaps everything is done for a reason. Now I support a little girl in Mumbai, it's a matter of pride when i get her report card and see her improvement...I do hope i can do more...

Now that I've made my point, I'm gonna let him off the hook now;in any case i have to wash the d**n dishes again...

Time To Think!!!

Recently I received this forward from a dear friend, which I've printed out to paste on my refrig...This was how it went...


If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again...
by Diane Loomans

If I had my child to raise all over again,I'd finger-paint more, and point the fingers less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd teach less about the love of power, And more about the power of love.

Very nicely put, esp the last line...And succeeds in making you feel guilty too...But any mother knows it's not easy to smile when...

- when you ask the boys to put the dirty dishes in the sink and find broken pieces underneath 'cos they've dumped the steel ones on the glass ones...

- when u enter the toilet and find your 5 yr-old aiming his peester all over the wall and then innocently replying” I wanted to see how far it would go"...waiting fo rthe invention of the decade - a contraption that would ensure that the toilet bowl receives its rightful contents...

- when the same 5-yr old comes to you with something resembling toilet paper saying he found it in the toilet bowl...God, where's that sanitiser...

- when u spend a whole day searching for something he wanted and the 10yr old calmly declares that that now he's changed his mind....shouldn't i know that their tastes change like the chameleon changes its colors???

- when the then 9yr old sees the Whisper packet...loudly exclaims; "Hey why is Amma buying diapers, S is grown up"... when did he come in...Hadn’t I left him outside the chemist's shop?

- when u find little holes in your face towels 'cos they are practicing their cutting skills in the bath

- when u spend a long time making a project for him, difficult, if the only cutting and pasting u know is computer-related,...and then he says Ohhh I forgot to tell u ma'am changed the topic...(I almost cried!!!)

- when the only time they miss u is when they cannot find their clothes or food on the table...

- when he wakes you up from a deep, deep sleep and tells you that he CANNOT sleep so I shouldn't either...

- when toothpaste can be found everywhere but on the brush

- when u find my exclusive shampoo emptied liberally in the tub, why ...for the bubbles, we wanted to have a bubble bath, amma!!!

- when u have pms and you find out your son has volunteered your name for class duty ...

- when you cook and bake and read and clean and work and the little one says mournfully” you are so lucky amma, u get to sit at the computer and do nothing...!” (But that did bring a smile to my face : ))


The list is endless...



And I'm just good at being bad at being 'good mamma'!!!

... on second thoughts, it's not yet time for me to paste that poem on my board...not yet.....

Big feet!!!

A major grouse in Singapore... Everybody has small feet...How is everything so small here, tiny waists, tiny feet...

For some reason, footwear and me don't get along. The dainty sandals snap after one wear, the solid ones look like men's stuff, and if i do get everything right, they don't have my size!!! For the umpteenth time, i enter a shoe store and get overwhelmed by all the dainty designs... But does the sandal fit? No it doesn't. Do you have a larger size? I ask the assistant. "Sorry madam, (i'm sure the guy was smirking) "last size, shoe no fit!!!" grrr...

Flashback to the bad old days when I trudged from store to store for the dreaded black shoes for my school uniform... bata came to my rescue then, but now even Bata seems to have 8 as their last size.:(

I think when God made me, he must have been terribly busy putting the finishing touches to the likes of Aishwarya Rai etc. Perhaps that's why, where big would have been welcomed, I got small, sigh... and where dainty would have been preferred he gave me a size 81/2..ok.ok...its a 9 in some styles.

To end on a happier note, I get my stuff from the U.S. of A where everything is big and growing BIGGER still...waiting for my next supply, S, :)

From the mouth of ....

Every now and then, its time to take a step back and observe, 'cos there could be something u missed on the way...Just the other day, my 4-yr old declared sagely,'I know how babies are born'. Engrossed in sundry chores( seems endless...) I nod absent-mindedly...

He's not happy with the effect... He repeats"I know how babies grow but I have a doubt"I pause, look at him and say"And That is?" Happy to have gotten my attention, he says "But how are they made?" I draw him close and say"Well, babies are in their momma's stomach till they grow and become strong enough...""Amma"says the 4-yr old wisely, "this I know, when they get strong enough, they decide to come out...But what I want to know is, where did the bones which make me come from? How did I get put in your stomach?"

Well! Well! Well, the young fella does start early, doesn't he? This from the 4 yr old while the elder boy has learnt to nonchalantly declare, "Amma,there's snogging in the harry potter book.." Snogging...what's that???

To get back to the very serious talk with my young boy, I just couldn't talk to him cos, just then, the doorbell rings and in waltz his friends. Whoosh, the very important discussion is forgotten because in case u didn't know it, friends are the most important things in his life right now...

But I've decided to make use of this little reprieve and be ready when he approaches me the next time...

Suggestions anyone??

Ahhh, reason to smile?

Singapore Calling!!

It's finally done... after weeks of running around, looking at endless houses and getting the kids admissions finalised, we've finally moved into a condo ... But then, why do i miss something? the boys have settled down, the better half has never looked better....How do guys do it? Walk into a toatally new environment without batting an eyelid!!! Why do i miss delhi so?;(?

Funny how u need to be displaced from something to realise its value. After a week of looking like a lost soul, i've pulled myself together. The final straw was when i almost tapped an Indian on the street in my excitement. It's not really missing Delhi that's getting to me. Its the new place, new people, the effort of accepting a new place as home. I say i like change and when change does arrive, I want my old life back... A life full of contradictions...But this is the whole part of the learning process... I've now discovered a whole new community, thanks to the net and am quite inspired by the few i've inteacted with. Besides, I've discovered new haunts here and the library is currently my favorite place to be!!!

Welcome to Singapore, Suma!!!