There is something which has been bothering me a long time...and i mean a really long time...it gets triggered by little comments people make...when they see my kids and envy me saying how lucky I am...not because they are healthy bright children but because of their gender...you see they are BOYS and not girls...I've managed to carry the family name forward...
It bugs me when people go psst..psst when i am teaching the BOY how to wash his plate...Or when the BOY holds a mop...teh reason, boys are not meant for such things. I make my boys do a few odd jobs around the house...Not because i'm a feminist but because i feel that they should know how to make their beds or help in keeping the house clean...
Did you know that India loses @10m female foetuses due to abortion and sex selection? I cannot write about what happens to the newborn girls in rural areas without me breaking down (it's very saddening)...Would politicians take up cudgels for this cause instead of creating a ruckus over who kissed whom and why did X say that?
It's shocking to see this desire for a male baby among the so-called literate upper class strata...It upset me when S, eight months pregnant with her third child confessed to me that she was under pressure from her in-laws, to 'produce' a male child, even though the doctor had advised against it...There was tension writ over her face and her parting words were"Please pray that I have a boy"!!!And this in a highly respected household!!!I've seen houses where the boys are sent to a good school and the girl to a lower grade one, in any case she is to be married off, you see!!
I come from a house where we are all girls and never once have we been made to feel that we were not wanted. This yearning for a boy is alien to me. Boy or girl, enjoy them, not because they are your security for your old age, but because they are your present...They are here because you wanted them to be !!!
P.S. silver lining...i must have done something right 'cos when my bai(maid) delivered her second daughter, she thanked God for her healthy baby and secondly got her tubes tied :)
There were times i wished I had a daughter,then I realised perhaps everything is done for a reason. Now I support a little girl in Mumbai, it's a matter of pride when i get her report card and see her improvement...I do hope i can do more...
Now that I've made my point, I'm gonna let him off the hook now;in any case i have to wash the d**n dishes again...
10 comments:
Congraats!! I'm reading a girl blogger with her head on her shoulders!!! It breaks my heart to think of the yearning for that "male bastion"... geez! Sounds so crummy, even to me...
If more rural people would give their little girl the love and the opportunity, they'd be surprised how loyal and committed a daughter is. Its our DNA, we're programmed to love!!
When I was in college, I used to work with children.. I'm hoping someday I'll have a little girl home:)
@ziah
it is very difficult to change mindsets...i'm in a position to feel so because i do have a lot of support...my parents have made us feel so loved that......
As for your lil girl, i do hope so too...:)
@ziah
as for the 'head on her shoulder' bit u caught me in a sane moment :)life with 3 boys(hubby included) can never be dull ))...
Wonderful i agree with you. As you said the upper class is into this, we should not even talk about the rurals. They are not even educated to think upon things like this. I wonder which century will it take to come out of such wrong silly thinking.
@sumana...
with teh ratio of girls to boys widening, it really is a cause for concern...thanx for dropping by...
Suma, I so identify with this post. When my second daughter was born, I actually got a few comments like, 'it's ok... you were not so blessed.' and 'your husband now has to work harder. he has two daughters.'
these comments from very highly educated people. I wanted to scream. I'd just had a beautiful baby girl, and you give me really dumb platitudes? what happened to congratulations? And I said that i'd go for another one only if i were guaranteed it was another GIRL! That really put the cat among the pigeons
My parents had only daughters. and now granddaughters. and my dad goes totally bonkers buying 'pretty' dresses for the kids. Any pretty dress in a store calls out strongly to dad's wallet :) and he is so besotted by them, that sometimes I want to point that out to certain people and ask "how the f#$% (pardon my french) does gender matter? do you love them less for that?"
At least their father is deliriously happy, and calls them his two bosses. Anyone who pities me for having girls is welcome to stuff their opinions... preferably in an orifice where the sun never shines. (pardon the French again)
@vidya
I totally agree with you...It has greater value when parents of daughters feel the way you do...I know that i would have loved to have a duaghter...
Its just a huge big circle out there...and no hope I guess. Its the mindset that needs the change...adn i'mpraying that it comes soon...having 2 boys, I know what it means....
and its been a dream to adopt and a lil girl for me....I hope it happens soon.
@ prats...
yes, mindsets need to change and i can't do it 'cos people get back to me, saying "its easy for u to say so u have 2 sons!!!"
Nice write ups..thanks for visiting my blog...keep coming :)
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