Wednesday, January 2, 2008

hey...looking good!!!

This is an amalgamation of thoughts. There were two isolated situations which started off a train of thoughts. I'm not very sure how well i would put it across, but it is something which has been on my mind and what better way than this to get it out.:)

Recently a friend changed her profile picture on orkut from a faceless one to one of her own. A few days later she returned to the earlier one. The reason being too much attention of the wrong kind!! That's been my experience too, whenever i change my pictures. Wham!!! my scrapbook gets flooded with flattering comments. Unfortunately it also attracts some unwelcome attention with unknown guys wanting to be ‘frenz’. Huh????In Orkut, the word 'friend' is perhaps the most misunderstood term...sigh!

The second case was when an online friend refused to put her picture on because she wasn't comfortable with the way she looked. She felt people wouldn't want to know her because she didn't look good...Why would you want to know someone who is going to talk to you based on how you look?


So it struck me…that looking good has its perils too. Often it is the way you look and dress which gets you the attention of the wrong kind and statistically has led to uncomfortable situations. It also makes me wonder whether wanting to look good is a crime. There are times i wonder whether a certain person is talking to me because he likes the face he sees!!

Don’t get me wrong, compliments from friends are always welcome and appreciated, barring the ones which cross the line. But the second case also led me to think about how much people weigh looks. Do men get the same response from females? We women are conditioned to do a lot. We nurture, we manage homes, we multitask, we work, we don't adam-tease and we are expected to look good too. I don’t see men worrying about maintaining themselves as much as we women do…and it seems to be another millstone that we have tied to our own neck. Of course there are exceptions to every rule.

I don't consider myself beautiful but I like myself the way I am. I'm confident with my skin and i don't need to hide anything, neither my age nor my crows feet. Every wrinkle tells a tale and shows me the times that I have worried. Every laugh line too shares a beautiful story.

There is too much emphasis placed these days on beauty. You have botox, plastic surgery and hordes of anti ageing devices. I too have personal dislikes of certain aspects of my anatomy but no way will I mess with nature.Being always well manicured and coiffeured is a dream to me, as that is the privilege of the ultra rich.That does not mean i wouldn't visit a saloon. It is nice to feel pampered once in a while.

In a society which lauds a pencil thin figure and perfect beauty with pageants glorifying the same, it is easy to forget the value of the beauty within. When I see girls starving themselves to get that perfect body, I wish i could tell them that they are killing themselves. There is surely more to life than that impossible figure...

Attitude indeed matters and a positive outlook can get that glow in your face. I should know, because I have felt the change in me. Taking a little interest in how you look coupled with the right attitude is the first step. You need to feel confident to look good. If you don't like yourself, how would you ever expect someone else to?

My take on beautiful is, look good on a strong foundation of positive attitude, self assurance and inner peace. And my dear friend, don’t ruin your life chasing that perfect look, figure or beauty. Live healthy and enjoy life. Everyone has something attractive about them, it could be the way you talk, or the way you sing. it could be your sense of humor or the way you write. Find them out, develop them and believe in yourself. Let no one tell you or make you feel otherwise. When you feel good about yourself, it is bound to show outside too. My challenge is to be beautiful inside…


So ask yourself this and keep that finger pointed to yourself, and if you are a guy, do make that special girl happy by making her feel beautiful.Even a diamond comes from a not so beautiful rock.This was my view. What do you think?

30 comments:

Prats said...

Positivity!! Yes thats the keyword. Believe in yourself and love what you are, as a human and only then the beauty within will glow and others will feel its radiance...

Preethi said...

Very well thought out and well written post... I feel strongly on this subject... esp indians love to harp on the "beauty" of a person and most often the beauty is defined by stature/ posture/ color/ or some such absurd thing!! The real essence of the person is lost in such descripiton of beauty... thanks for sharing this!!

Rambler said...

regarding do men get same responses, NO in my case atleast.. :)

btw I don't think one can look at orkut so seriously. its mainly some jobless/jobfull people who want to flatter a women, and hope for the best..

As far as friends go, why take offense to a compliment, when they really mean it, I guess one need not feel offended.

@Preeti
Really more in the case of Indians?.. somehow felt its more in the case of westerners/

romila said...

Preety much think the same thing. Physical display of a human being is nothing save a collection of bones & flesh moulded in. And a pleasant physical display is all but the bones & flesh structured in little more proportionate fashion.

Of course, one can always enhance this display but not necssarily fuss over.

rayshma said...

with u on this one... u've put it across very well. i guess there's too much emphasis on "physical" beauty these days... ignoring the 'substance' that makes us so unique.

and heyy, if u wanna avoid those arbit requests on orkut and still do what u wish, just change ur settings. u can make ur scrapbook, album et al private so only those on ur frenz list can view them! :)

Joy said...

Beautiful post :) Beauty within definitely surfaces out in the face and makes it prettier.

Compassion Unlimitted said...

So Suma this New year you have put on a different thinking cap !!
So as the saying goes..what is mainly important is between the ears and years and not between head to toe !!
Nice expressed blog..guess we can look forward to more of these

My new year..I normally go to bed by 930 ..So it was the same this year too..lol
TC
CU

Na.Su.Krishnan said...

Do men take care of their beauty? Makes me think and say 'No'(atleast with me).

It may happen if women promise that they will visit a men's orkut profile and scrap "Want to be friend?"

Compassion Unlimitted said...

@Thinking aloud
Between the years,its past 1230 there,dont you remember my story on moondram pirai..lol
TC
CU

Thinking aloud said...

2 prats...
now that's a beautiful lady speaking with loads of attitude...

@ preethi...
esp skin color...:)and you said it better than my loooong post...

@ rambler...
me taking offense at compliments....no way :)

@ romila...
rightly so...

@ rayshma...
i have, that's a saving grace , all and sundry don't read the scraps, with the new settings...

@ joy...
well commented too :)hope my friend understands that...

Ps said...

So well said!! I feel like standing up and applauding (except that considering it is 11:47 pm in the night and if I did it right now it might wake up not only the sleeping kids, but also the neighbours who might be finally convinced I have lost it!)
Yes--I agree so much with what you said so well. Many a time I have had men (always men--never a woman) messaging me and asking me if it is really an recent photo of mine or an old photo.I get so put off that I promptly block the person.

Sumana said...

Very well written TA. Who has the time these days for inner beauty. It is all artificial and superficiality still that counts. Where as the main essence of life is to understand within and grow.

Joy said...

I tried searching Suma in Singapore in orkut but no results
:(

Thinking aloud said...

@ Cu...
self esteem is very important...how else can you survive?...different thinking cap...hmmm..i wonder :)

@ nsk,...
i think u missed the whole point...u mean to say u talk to people only if u like the way they look?

@ Cu...
:)... wanted to check the veracity of your story...

@ ps..
I knew you would understand...compliments are fine but going beyond a certain line isn't...i'm sure u've experienced that!!

@ sumana...
That is a challenge indeed!!!

@ joy...
hey...sent you details...nice to 'SEE' you ;)

Sandhya said...

hi suma.

This is d fact that inner beauty is more important but sometimes even i believe that looking pretty is also matters.........

Anyways, i have searched you on orkut bt cant search you. Actually just have a curiousity to see the lady who can write so well.

Spunky Monkey said...

Wow. It feels good to be a guy. There is hardly any pressure to look good. Or at least, to conform to a thumb rule, which thankfully does not exist.
Not so much for the "fairer sex", I see. That term is a double-edged sword, really.

Compassion Unlimitted said...

Also..why the fuss..presentable packaging is important for any body a nd anything !!But the strange thing is that men generally believe this applies to women only..there lies the problem..when the table gets turned then all hell breaks lose,isnt it
TC
CU

Compassion Unlimitted said...

Oh my..me and my spellings !! need to change my glasses looks like..sorry Suma
TC
CU

Thinking aloud said...

@ sandhya...
looking good naturally, is important...an dit pay sto be presentable...but obsessing with beauty is not!!...hmmm..u want to reach me on orkut? try searching for suma ...(with teh 3 dots) :)

@ CU...

bottom line, men like to look at pretty things, never mind how teh men themselves look....we don't ;)

Solitaire said...

Sigh!! I wish everyone would think like you; everyone including those women who spent big bucks trying to look wonderful, and those men who judge women only based on their beauty.

Just Jen said...

I'm wonderful and perdy! lol
I just swung by to get your url to get my blog back in order....I know what you mean though...that's why I have my pic as a cartoon! I went out to get groceries once in pj's and my hair all messed (hadn't showered or brushed it...lol) and I was just picking up a few things but didnt' have my wedding ring on....I was hit on 4 times! 4 times looking like I crawled out of a ditch! What's wrong with men? seriously!

Ziah said...

I completely agree with you.
In fact, a major problem arises for people who seek to marry through the "arranged" route. There is tremendous pressure on a girl, no matter how well placed, to be fair, slim, drop-dead gorgeous et al. I have a colleague who is fairly pretty and bawls her lungs out when a mother of an i-banker says "ladki thodi saavli hain, na?" and goes on to loom for a "fair" girl!
Oh god! Get a life people! She's a corporate lawyer and she's an awesome person! :) Donkeys years ago, when our grandmoms barely went to school and were married off as pretty objects, society unfortunately functioned that way.. I guess some changes are surely overdue.. :(

Thinking aloud said...

@ solitaire,
:) thanks ...i wish so too..

@ just jen...
:) glad to c u here...

@ ziah...
i'm with you here...guess the soaps even with all their exaggerated scenes are trying to work their magic in this area...yes, its time for a change...but the gals need to show some spirit too :(

Pointblank said...

ur post made me thinking. but then I would disagree. Looking good is important, though it is not the single most imp thing. I feel so happy when I'm surrounded by beauty. Beautiful people, beautiful landscapes, interiors, clothes, shoes, jewellery all make me happy.But then just having a pretty face doesnt help either. I would say, celebrate the beauty around and within you! Never fret over it though!

@ps - I cracked up reading ur comment. U look so young, so we cant really blame te men :P but how do they mnage to get ur phone number??

Thinking aloud said...

@pointblank...
looking good is important..i think i emphasised that enough...the point i wanted to bring out was the obsessing over beauty...some are naturally blessed and some have something attractive about them...so find out what makes you tick...your last sentence says it all!!

"Sunshine" said...

Well I would love to agree on this. Beauty is not skin deep but who does not love that aatractive packaging ? We all love it Right ?

howmuch ever we shout from the top of our voice "that looks does not matter" they do matter. Specially in the Indian Marriages.
It is very unfortunate still nobody sees how ugly is the boy but what matters for a boy is how much he is earning.

Looking good matters every where the workplace, entertaiment you name it it is important there. Until people change the mind sets nothing can be done about it.

All said and done , one has to look good for own sake. not because you are expected to look good !!

Vinesh said...

i like both external and internal beauty.

but usually, if a person is beautiful inside, i end up liking the external too..

Lea said...

Good things to think about here... I have all sorts of friends, plain ones, beautiful ones (by cultural and facial and proportional standards) and it's the ones that love themselves inside that really shine and are the ones I want to be around, regardless... looks begin to morph and fade into the background and I love the person they are...

Crafty Green Poet said...

excellent post, I think its sad when people can't be happy with the way they look and the way they age, its only natural after all. I think also confidence as you say has a huge effect on how good you look

Just Like That said...

A lovely post.

What the person is should matter more than how she/he looks. Frequently, handsome is as handsome does, but the woman is unfairly judged quite a lot by her looks.
But yeah, no matter what looks you are born with, it helps to be neatly turned out, and smelling good.. a very sensible post, Suma.