I'm haunted!!!

This was the prompt at writer's island...I've had a lot of ghostly incidents but for some reason came up with this one...
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Who's the ghost tonight?



If you're fat, you are haunted by calories you get when you eat junk food.

If you are as thin as a stick model, you are haunted by the invisible calories you get when you don't eat and the threatened visit of the binge fairy...

If you are pregnant, you are haunted by the weight you need to put on, which is needed and if you are a new mother, by the weight you've just put on, which is now called flab...

If you are employed, you are haunted by the word pink, because it means the pink slip while if you are a new graduate, by the temptation of the green ....(show me the money!!!)

If you are in 'can can' Singapore, you are haunted by its image of a 'FINE' city... (have to check lah, if there is a fine for saying this!!)

If you are a blog writer, you are haunted by the 'writer's block', and by the ghost visitor...BOO!!!.

If you are a child, you are haunted by expectations and the grade monster...

And I'm haunted by those demons which visit me every now and then to turn me into someone 'normal'......

Everybody has ghosts, which haunt them. So what haunts you?

Stop picking on me!!!

Ever read the book:'Nineteen minutes' by Jodi Picoult? Read it especially if you have pre-teen children...Though the ending fell below my expectations, the story didn't...The story revolves around a school shooting, the impact on the survivors and the shooter. What circumstances could drive a normal child to pick up a gun and blindly kill? This child had no dearth of reasons - being picked upon because he was weak, being called gay because he had no girl friends, being constantly compared to a bright brother, falling short of his parents' expectations, being publicly degraded. When you feel shunned by people you know, you retreat in your own private world where everything is according to your rules and you are in control.

It's scary what the world expects out of the young generation. It's also frightening to see how little these children value life. A so-called elite school in Delhi had to issue a circular to its teachers to henceforth highlight only the positive aspects of the students' development in the parents teachers meeting. The reason - a student had committed suicide because she could not handle the criticism at the PTM. Every board examination sees the deaths of young lives because they were unable to handle the pressure.

From the time the little child is put in playschool, he/she begins to understand the meaning of pressure. The mayhem caused by the admission circus every year has added fuel to the fire. A child of three is supposed to know his alphabets, be creative, sing songs, dance, be confident,and talented. Give him a break!!!

A lot depends on how certain situations are handled. A friend was called to meet the school counsellor to 'discuss' her son's disruptive behaviour. Since he happened to pull a girl's pigtail, they assumed that there was 'violence'(read marital ) at home. The result of this meeting was a hurt mother, who tried to bribe and coerce the child into better behavior. A more sensitive approach would have helped in finding out the cause of the problem. Likewise, my 4 year old came home with bite marks one day, a fight the next...a boy,K, had been targeting him. Though worried, i didn't want to take drastic steps like issuing a formal complaint. I met the teacher and together we spoke to K. There were issues bothering him at home, we tried to get it sorted out. I made it a point to talk to him every morning to find out how he was doing and every afternoon the child would look out for me to tell me the news of the day. Full credit to the teacher for defusing a situation which could have got out of control...Here, K's parents were equally concerned which was commendable. Generally the parents go into the 'denial' mode which makes it more difficult.

Some say that today's children have too much too soon...That they don't have tolerance...and maybe a child would say that today's adults have too many expectations from them. `Expectations! Peer pressure! Acceptance! Survival!...Any wonder that the kids are walking a tightrope here... Of course the right mix of tolerance, freedom, confidence and self esteem would create a balance...Easier said than done, but definitely worth trying.

When two worlds meet...

It all started with the arrival of my nephews from the land of amrica...My sister and family had taken the momentous decision of settling down in Bangalore, one of the main reasons being the deteriorating health of her father-in -law. The children had to make many adjustments. Along with the accents, there also seemed to be a slight communication gap....

We soon learnt that jelly wasn't that which wobbled but the conserve used to spread on the bread. Conserve is not what you do to save energy but the humble jam... and jam was suddenly upgraded to being in a fix!!!These 2 American born confused nephews have initiated their ever absorbent cousin, my son into the world of PBJ (peanut butter and jelly)sandwiches. By the way, it's cookies and milk please and not biscuits! A popsicle is nothing related to your POP but happens to be flavored ice on a stick...(yummy too).

'Are u mad' when spoken by a child does NOT refer to the decaying state of your mind but to a state which is more volatile(read angry)...Of course when spoken by an adult, it means just that, you are 'MAD'.

A footpath is a side walk, you don't skate, u rollerblade...The boot is not what you kick someone with but also happens to be the trunk of a car. Of course the trunk happens to be a very important part of the elephant's face!!! Gas is what you feed the car and not what happens after you eat red beans... An elevator is nothing but our humble lift...and please, you don't take a bath, you take a shower...

There were many hilarious moments. And many difficult ones too. It wasn't easy for the two boys to adapt to a whole new life here, making new friends and studying two new languages (Kannada and Hindi). To the boys' credit, they have adjusted well. But there are many things that they hate about India. The heavy schoolbags, the pollution, the roads, the control...My elder nephew, though close to his grandparents, is waiting for the day when he can go back to his country. As is generally the case, the west wins. We've aped and adopted. The best of our talent goes abroad to fulfil their dreams. Families and values are disintegrating. The emphasis now, is more on how much you have than the kind of person you are.

The need of the hour is change in the right direction...It's good to imbibe the best of all cultures we are exposed to. For starters, let's spread a little of our Desi values around. So that when the two worlds meet, it is a fusion of the best of both. What say?

renewal

Ever since i read this prompt 'renewal' on writer's island (thanks to ps), it's been buzzing around in my head...Why? because its a complete reflection of my current state of mind...

Recently a dear aunt expired, leaving us all in shock.She had been ailing for some time and was lucky to have her son, daughter and husband by her side ALL the time, for those agonising 3 months. Still, when the end came it was a shock to everyone. For me, she represented all those happy memories spent in Bangalore every summer where the entire clan would gather. To find one of the pillars supporting our childhood memories crumble, has been a devastating experience.

Her death has shaken us up...The bereaved family is still trying to cope with their loss...My mother (she had been her youngest sister) breaks down everyday...My grandparents have withered under the weight of this death ... It has also brought a deep sense of regret in me...regret that I could not do more...regret, that in recent years, communication had been reduced to the mandatory phone call...

Our family is going through some tough times. A sis-in-law's battling breast cancer. It is true that most of the time we don't know how lucky we are. We realise the value of something only when it is no longer there.

At this stage in my life it is definitely time to renew all those relationships I've taken for granted. The relationship of a granddaughter, daughter, sister, friend,and daughter-in-law. Being in a different country makes it very difficult...But I try...

...Parents, Grandparents, In-laws, Mentors, see them in a new light ...You will see them worried about what the future holds...The tables are slowly turning, though against my will...it is now our turn to nurture and support them...To give them the time they deserve and need...To tell them how much they mean to you...So that if the inevitable happens, you don't say:"I wish I had done more...", you say "I'm glad that I did" ...

Yes, it is definitely time for a renewal...

Forget-me-not....

I walked all the way to the MRT station with the family only to realise that I've left my mobile outside the door. Ignoring the outbursts, i hurried back to find my trusty phone waiting patiently for me. This phone has survived many such scares. Leave alone woman-handling it by shoving it under umpteen things in the purse, I've left it behind in various shops, only to get a call from the owner to collect it back...That's the advantage of saving a number under 'home'.

I've always been err...absentminded ...Coincidentally, I married a guy who's equally so..He's misplaced 3 sun glares, one of which he placed on the roof of his car and then drove off...He sometimes forgets which grades the kids are in (I NEVER forget that!!)...I have to remind him about his Mom's b'day (he's never forgotten mine, though i think my sister reminds him!)...A sneaking suspicion that he uses this excuse very effectively when it comes to finishing the 'to-do' list

I think that marriage to him has definitely given me more than two kids......its increased my tendency to umm...forget...my son carries the legacy on...he drops the towel into the dustbin and the tissue paper on the hanger...not to mention the numerous waterbottles he loses at school each year...

There was this time when i sat in my car only to see a stranger there...the guy's jaw dropped...my eyes popped out...you see, it happened to be someone else's car...he was too busy sweating(probably his wife was due back any minute) by which time i had made good my escape to my own car where my driver (a necessity 'cos a car in my control is always out of control) was hyperventilating (i like this word!!!)'cos the memsahib had lost her head!!...Come on now, its not my fault all Esteems look the same...

Once I boarded an aircraft only to realise that my seat was also issued to another gentleman...gravely shook my head at the sad, sorry state of the airlines' management, i really rubbed it in...when a harried steward enters and informs me that I've managed to board the wrong flight!!! Oops, I did it again!!! If looks could kill, i definitely died with all the glares when I finally boarded the right flight...They had been kept waiting while the crew was tracing the elusive Suma...

At family functions, where everyone is always related to someone, I get to hear a lot of "don't u know me, i am your father's aunt's cousin's daughter-in-law",Huh!!! I'm always tense at such gatherings and once ended up introducing my husband to another man (whom i knew as a relation-in-law on my sis's side) who replied " I should know him my dear, I'm his uncle"! He in turn happened to be related in some way to somebody's somebody on my husband's side...(Blush...Blush...the only excuse...we were "just married"!!!So blame it on temporary amnesia ;)

I think that moving to Singapore has put my hubby more at ease...less chances of me sitting in someone else's car...even less chances of me locking myself out of the house with the keys inside...it's a door which cannot be locked unless you have the key!!!

Sigh...And you know what, I had to make that trip home again, i had forgotten to lock the house this time!!!

Psst...hubby seems to think it's selective loss of memory...'cos according to him I still remember the things he's done or not done and the growing list includes stuff from 13 years ago!!!...Hrrumph...(i hope that came out as a snort)...

Congrats!! You Have A ....!

There is something which has been bothering me a long time...and i mean a really long time...it gets triggered by little comments people make...when they see my kids and envy me saying how lucky I am...not because they are healthy bright children but because of their gender...you see they are BOYS and not girls...I've managed to carry the family name forward...

It bugs me when people go psst..psst when i am teaching the BOY how to wash his plate...Or when the BOY holds a mop...teh reason, boys are not meant for such things. I make my boys do a few odd jobs around the house...Not because i'm a feminist but because i feel that they should know how to make their beds or help in keeping the house clean...

Did you know that India loses @10m female foetuses due to abortion and sex selection? I cannot write about what happens to the newborn girls in rural areas without me breaking down (it's very saddening)...Would politicians take up cudgels for this cause instead of creating a ruckus over who kissed whom and why did X say that?

It's shocking to see this desire for a male baby among the so-called literate upper class strata...It upset me when S, eight months pregnant with her third child confessed to me that she was under pressure from her in-laws, to 'produce' a male child, even though the doctor had advised against it...There was tension writ over her face and her parting words were"Please pray that I have a boy"!!!And this in a highly respected household!!!I've seen houses where the boys are sent to a good school and the girl to a lower grade one, in any case she is to be married off, you see!!

I come from a house where we are all girls and never once have we been made to feel that we were not wanted. This yearning for a boy is alien to me. Boy or girl, enjoy them, not because they are your security for your old age, but because they are your present...They are here because you wanted them to be !!!

P.S. silver lining...i must have done something right 'cos when my bai(maid) delivered her second daughter, she thanked God for her healthy baby and secondly got her tubes tied :)

There were times i wished I had a daughter,then I realised perhaps everything is done for a reason. Now I support a little girl in Mumbai, it's a matter of pride when i get her report card and see her improvement...I do hope i can do more...

Now that I've made my point, I'm gonna let him off the hook now;in any case i have to wash the d**n dishes again...

Time To Think!!!

Recently I received this forward from a dear friend, which I've printed out to paste on my refrig...This was how it went...


If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again...
by Diane Loomans

If I had my child to raise all over again,I'd finger-paint more, and point the fingers less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd teach less about the love of power, And more about the power of love.

Very nicely put, esp the last line...And succeeds in making you feel guilty too...But any mother knows it's not easy to smile when...

- when you ask the boys to put the dirty dishes in the sink and find broken pieces underneath 'cos they've dumped the steel ones on the glass ones...

- when u enter the toilet and find your 5 yr-old aiming his peester all over the wall and then innocently replying” I wanted to see how far it would go"...waiting fo rthe invention of the decade - a contraption that would ensure that the toilet bowl receives its rightful contents...

- when the same 5-yr old comes to you with something resembling toilet paper saying he found it in the toilet bowl...God, where's that sanitiser...

- when u spend a whole day searching for something he wanted and the 10yr old calmly declares that that now he's changed his mind....shouldn't i know that their tastes change like the chameleon changes its colors???

- when the then 9yr old sees the Whisper packet...loudly exclaims; "Hey why is Amma buying diapers, S is grown up"... when did he come in...Hadn’t I left him outside the chemist's shop?

- when u find little holes in your face towels 'cos they are practicing their cutting skills in the bath

- when u spend a long time making a project for him, difficult, if the only cutting and pasting u know is computer-related,...and then he says Ohhh I forgot to tell u ma'am changed the topic...(I almost cried!!!)

- when the only time they miss u is when they cannot find their clothes or food on the table...

- when he wakes you up from a deep, deep sleep and tells you that he CANNOT sleep so I shouldn't either...

- when toothpaste can be found everywhere but on the brush

- when u find my exclusive shampoo emptied liberally in the tub, why ...for the bubbles, we wanted to have a bubble bath, amma!!!

- when u have pms and you find out your son has volunteered your name for class duty ...

- when you cook and bake and read and clean and work and the little one says mournfully” you are so lucky amma, u get to sit at the computer and do nothing...!” (But that did bring a smile to my face : ))


The list is endless...



And I'm just good at being bad at being 'good mamma'!!!

... on second thoughts, it's not yet time for me to paste that poem on my board...not yet.....

Big feet!!!

A major grouse in Singapore... Everybody has small feet...How is everything so small here, tiny waists, tiny feet...

For some reason, footwear and me don't get along. The dainty sandals snap after one wear, the solid ones look like men's stuff, and if i do get everything right, they don't have my size!!! For the umpteenth time, i enter a shoe store and get overwhelmed by all the dainty designs... But does the sandal fit? No it doesn't. Do you have a larger size? I ask the assistant. "Sorry madam, (i'm sure the guy was smirking) "last size, shoe no fit!!!" grrr...

Flashback to the bad old days when I trudged from store to store for the dreaded black shoes for my school uniform... bata came to my rescue then, but now even Bata seems to have 8 as their last size.:(

I think when God made me, he must have been terribly busy putting the finishing touches to the likes of Aishwarya Rai etc. Perhaps that's why, where big would have been welcomed, I got small, sigh... and where dainty would have been preferred he gave me a size 81/2..ok.ok...its a 9 in some styles.

To end on a happier note, I get my stuff from the U.S. of A where everything is big and growing BIGGER still...waiting for my next supply, S, :)