a dash of color!

When we lived in singapore, I used to walk, as much as I could. From where I came from, paved footpaths and green grass is a rarity, so Singapore was a walker's paradise.

You suddenly chance upon a brightly painted building.

It instantly brightens up your mood.

These pictures brought back some fond memories.

Change of the right 'kind'

It was nearing the end of the academic year. My 9yrold son and his classmates were given work to do at home. They were asked to write little notes about each classmate on pieces of paper and bring it to class the next day. It was amusing and enlightening to see the 9yrold tackle this with great enthusiasm and dedication. Abhay was funny and nice while Saakshi ran well. Pranav was excellent in sports and Arjun was clever. He got stuck when he came to one particular classmate, U.

“I cannot write anything nice about him, Amma, In fact no one’s going to write anything good about him. He’s very very naughty.”

This boy U had been the subject of many a dinnertime discussion. How U refuses to listen to the teacher and how he troubles the children!

“Surely you can think of something” I prompted.

“No,no, he’s the same boy I’ve been complaining about. He troubles everyone, never listens, not even to ma’am. Ma’am has refused to talk to him so many times, but he just doesn’t change.”

“You will be very excited to see what everyone’s written about you tomorrow, I wonder how he will feel” I said, not wanting to push him, but feeling a little sad about U.

The next 15 minutes passed with him sighing loudly because he just didn't know what to write. Finally he wrote, “ I think you can really run fast if you want. And I know everyone would like you more if you really want them to’. 

The next day, my son came home with 31 colorful scraps of paper. His classmates had called him helpful, sweet, funny and kind. A few raved about his soccer moves. There were a few too who wanted him to speak softer (my ears thank you, lil ones).

I loved this exercise that the kids had to do. It was not indicated what they could write, but almost everyone found it within themselves to think up a nice comment about the other. And if you looked hard enough, even the meanest person does have something worth liking. He may just not know it yet.

As if to drive the point in deeper, that evening, as I strolled near the play area, I overheard this conversation between two children. “ I wish people were more kind”.

And this is precisely what I think we need more of: Tolerance, kindness, graciousness, a spirit of Ubuntu! 

What is Ubuntu, you ask? It is a philosophy of African tribes that can be summed up, as "I am what I am because of who we all are." In simple words, it means that we cannot function as isolated humans individually and that we need to be interconnected.

And I cannot help feeling that displays of kindness, are getting increasingly hard to come across. Even the playground is a mini battlefield, with a lot of ego play and rage simmering. 

If I were to change something, I would alter the mental makeup of people. A little more kindness, a little more of compassion, cut back on the bitterness and rage and add generously the spirit of oneness.

A good starting point would be to do a kind gesture everyday, it could be helping the elderly neighbour carry her groceries to her doorstep, or listening to a friend's woes  or helping out the maid with her kid’s admission or going about your day with a smile and chirpy  hello! 


Go on now, pick up that phone and speak to a person you've been meaning to, and make them happy.  

Now that is very very doable, don’t you think? It's definitely a time for change. 

eye-openers

There was a tough month last year, where I was the designated nurse to everyone's pain, ranging from a near slip disc to a bad bout of viral.

Of course, since the Murphy guy was stalking me, I had to fall sick too, with a fever and the cold. Right in the middle of the14yr-old's final exams.

*PJ alert
Q: Why does the school schedule the final exams right before the christmas holidays?
A: That's to make sure we have truly truly deserved the holidays!
*Over 
:P

So I felt terrible, the cold had made me sound unintelligible and my vocal skills were being truly tested by the boys.

In frustration, I screamed (if you call that guttural noise which emanated from me a scream)

"I'm fed up. That's It! I'm going to the Himalayas"

"What did you say?" two voices screamed back in unision...

I hollered out again" You guys are troubling me so much, that i want to go to the himalayas"

The big boy, all of 14, came out from his study area and said in his trademark deadpan style "What? you are going to the Mallyas, YUCK, you should have better taste, amma!"

*Sigh

"Go back and put your nose back in your history books" I remember saying...hiding a smile.

It strikes me again, as it has been for the past few months, that this equation between us has changed tremendously. There is this ease between us, and it is a lovely change from the disciplining mode.Ofcourse he's 4inches taller than my 5.6 self and that by itself has tilted the balance in his favor. See, it makes it so difficult to see eye to eye with someone who is taller than you :/


There are times where we laugh at each other, and there are days when we are having a screaming match.

There are many times I have to remind myself that I am the parent here, there are days when it gets frustrating, especially when you feel like you are the only one talking, there are days when it gets scary, because you don't know whether what you are doing is the right thing or not, but most days it's pretty good.


And I wish to myself that even though some days seem too tough and disheartening to get by, the good moments far outnumber the sad ones and that we come out of it all, stronger and wiser from all that life doles out, in the name of teenage angst and parenting fundas.

Of course the wisest perspective sometimes comes from your very own miniature creations.

The nine yr. old recently consoled me with this gyan "Its okay amma, if I take AGES to do this, it is all part of the learning process!" *never mind that we were talking about homework here!

Once I picked up my jaw from the floor, I couldn't but nod vigorously in agreement.

Ting-Tong, Just for me!

My doorbell is the most used object in my house. Especially in the evening, when my 9yrold is at home. He opens the door, waltzes into the neighboring house to pat their dog, and then 5minutes later he's at my door ringing the doorbell, again, to be let in. And the whole thing repeats itself 15 minutes later!

I need to get skates, answering the doorbell would be such a rolling affair!

There are many times it rings in his absence and I find out that the person actually meant to ring the neighbor's doorbell. I H.A.T.E that.

The other day, I was quite busy and had done the doorbell answering routine a bit too often to my liking. A friend was over and we had just settled down to some filter kaapi, when ting tong, the doorbell beckoned me. 

And I fling open the door, and the mail guy meekly hands me this! OH!LOOK it has my name on it!!

                                            

and It's just for me!

The only cards I get are the ones from my kids, and erm...theonein365daysfromG, so to say I was thrilled was an understatement. It was not totally a surprise, because i knew she was going to send me something, because she had asked for my mailing address a few days back. But to actually receive this beautiful quilled artwork and read the lovely message inside, truly made my day. 

Knowing that she has made out time to send out handmade cards, in the midst of a very hectic routine makes this even more special, and is quite humbling too.

In my excitement, I forgot to mention who the she is! Of course if you've read '34 Bubblegums and Candies' and her latest bestseller 'Life is what you make it", then you shouldn't be wondering at all. And if you haven't read them yet, then you should be reading them right now!

Thank you tons, Preeti, for the treasured message, for the warmth of the gesture and for the friendship it signifies. 

I should be writing more, but them words, they have a way of deserting me when I need them the most.

:))

Gasp....aack...Whaaaaaat? It's 2012? ALREADY?!!!!!!

Don't mind the histrionics, That was just my blog reviving to life every now and then.

Here's hoping 2012 sees more posts here, less status updates on Facebook, more news, less drama,  more ....whatever!

Like my 9yr young wise owl tells me not so subtly "Practice makes one perfect, Amma", I plan to take my own advice very seriously! *(btw that 'advice' was shot back at me when they proclaimed that my lasagna was not as good as my first attempt!!!! Priorities, I tell you)

This year, I hope to learn at least one new thing, and let go of something!

How about you guys?

and Yesss, Happy 2012 to all you readers :)

Of friends and friends...

Last Diwali, we had just moved back to India, specifically Delhi. It is hard to believe a year has already passed since then and here I am now in the last month of the year, still wondering how the months flew.


Settling back in India was not a breeze.  Sadly most things which i enjoyed, like blogging came to a standstill. My mind seemed always in a volatile mood and it was not easy to keep it still long enough and write my thoughts all down .


Then not so recently I got a lovely email from a college friend , L.


Among the many things she wrote, was "Are you going to give me lame excuses for not updating your blog or do you just want to spare yourself the trouble by posting something? "


erm...yeah, she can be very subtle :)


so here i am posting.


This post's for you, L, for always giving that wallop...erm..little nudge, when I need it. 


Funny thing is L and I were nothing but nodding acquaintances in college, and I sort of used to compete with her as far as English was concerned, *in my mind. I always used to think that she would become an author or something close to that.


After college, we went our separate ways, and were nothing but reminders of another age, another era, another world. 


Then years and years later, we both got 'facebooked' . It brought back college memories, past teachers and a lot of "wow, you look good" comments. 


I have this nice feeling about this developing friendship, not because she writes the nicest stuff about my writing but because I feel she is a lot like me. We are both nearing our forties, we have teenage sons and hence similar apprehensions and we don't write to each other much. 


It probably needs some nurturing, because we both are also erratic writers. I go through this phase of intense communication then suddenly i get into my 'hibernate' mode, because mostly i have nothing useful to say. I am a pathetic emailer and I guess she is too. 


Even then, I feel that if we were to spend a few days together, we would feel at home, reading books, just enjoying the silence, and talking because we needed to , not because we HAD to.


I remember in Dubai, I was quite content to keep to myself and indulge in things that I wanted to do. I had made up my mind that I had no time in investing in new friendships when I knew that I was not going to be in Dubai for ever. And yet I made two very good friends. It is the kind of friendship which I like best. Where we knew that we were there for each other when needed and we didn't keep tabs on who did what for whom.


I have this lovely friend in Delhi, who always makes me feel good about myself, and who never lets me put myself down. 


I've had an ex college mate landing up at my old house in Bangalore trying to find out where I was. These are surprises I love.


I've had people who thought that being friends meant also keeping tabs on favors. I wish I could let them understand that, when you don't a put a price on the friendship, you reap greater benefits. Sometimes, the person cannot return your favor, and it is not fair to make him/her feel guilty about that. It makes me value a home-cooked meal sent over when I'm unwell, that much more, when i know that it has not been recorded in a 'good favor' book to be recalled on a later day. 


I've been told that I come across as a very social person. Which I find uncomfortable, because I think I 'suck' at social talk. 


That is why perhaps, the internet is such a scarily comforting place to be in, you can be your worst, but none will ever know it.


Just goes to show that you can't plan friendships, they just happen. In perhaps the same way, this post happened unplanned!


Now I better go and shoo the Murphy guy away, he's proving to be too friendly for my good!

Head banging moments, anyone?

I've been having these little moments where all I seem to do is either pick up my remains of my jaw from the floor or bang my head at the wall steadily.

The 9yr-old seems to be in a hurry to reach 14. And it is not very easy on me. Not at all.

He likes Slipknot Psychosocial! "Slip knot what?" I spluttered.

He nonchalantly replies: 'Oh, its heavy metal!"

and then he gently goes a step further "and slipknot is the group's name. Psychosocial is the song's name!"

OHHH! *drops jaw, first checks to see that he is still 9 and then rushes off to google

He wants a pet, any size, any kind, any make, any shape. I offered myself, since i do dance to all their tunes and love them unconditionally. But he was not amused.

"If it makes you feel better we'll get a girl dog, okay?" he says

Sigh, i had no answer to that except  the urge to say "erm not girl dog, bitch" then thought better of that! Who wants to willingly fall into the fire from the frying pan? Who?

and then, he dreamily says " I'll name my dog Metallica!"

Aiyyo! *drops jaw, sees a dog named Metallica dancing with a kid who likes unpronounceable bands and bangs head on wall

Every time something like this happens, I let go a little bit. He is growing up, I just need to grow up a wee bit more too. But my heart breaks a bit each time.

Then something like today happens.

I had been out yesterday, and I received this sms. It was from him and it said "Amma, my thoot fell out and I didn't cry" *he's been having major dental issues and has had almost every tooth extracted. this was the second time he had pulled it out himself.


I reached home much later and oohed and aahed over the gap in the smile. Managed not to mention the wrong spelling of tooth (I'm nice like that) and the day ended.

Next morning, it was the usual morning drama. I had just donned on my 10 arms and feet, and was perfecting my art of magically appearing in all the rooms at once, waking up the entire block in the process of waking up two kids, and I hear an outraged cry.

"The tooth fairy didn't come. My tooth is still here!"

Three things made their way into the fog of early morning dimwittedness that lingered over my eyes.


1.  this particular tooth-fairy must have been a male. Someone's going to have a lot of explaining to do!

2. This hard metal loving 9yrold, believes in the tooth fairy? Really ? He actually looks devastated.

3. Gosh, I don't want to be the one to dismiss a childhood belief. I have like 5 minutes to do damage control!


So I hurried him inside to change into his school clothes, and morphed into my tooth fairy avatar.

Two minutes when he came out, I straightened the bed and said" Oh look, S,  i think the tooth fairy has after all left u something, it seems to have gone inside the pillow cover.  Must have been in a hurry"

An absolutely delighted 9 yrold put his hand inside the pillow cover and drew out a 10 rupee note.

What? only 10 rupees you, my readers, say? Shhh...that's what the tooth fairy could get in the last minute panic!

I turn around very very happy that a crisis has been averted, and do everything but a jig there. I'm so so pleased with myself.

Then a puzzled voice says "hmm... strange... she forgot to take the tooth"

Uh-oh!*THUD...THuD...major head banging moment

and then the 9 yr-old reasons out, " must be absent minded, nah?"*he must really really be believing in this tooth fairy!

All I could do was give him a big big hug, he's so forgiving isn't he?